Saturday, December 31, 2011

Farewell, 2011



The year 2011 has been a turning point, a new chapter, another story of my life where I've changed so much, learnt to appreciate friends and family, learnt to miss home... and survive...
Its been a great year, (no, more than great, its awesome...)
with all its ups and downs,
from JS to Reunions,
from there to lots of KL trips,

then to teaching as a temporary teacher in my own high school,
mission trip to Sarawak^^
then to Uni,
then to R 2100 desasiswa nurani (Woei Long, Pik Yang and Sheng Fatt)
...
meeting new people, Ivans^^
The four princesses, Sharon Lai, Chuusuen, Xinyi
and Noelle^^
Avan, Kok Zhang, Hong Jin, Lam, Li Ren and many many more friends...

its been a year of new things and people...
To those who have given me your time and 'sweats' in forging this special memory,
the JS retards^^ haha

and
my high-school friends (dunnoe when will we meet up again)...
church felllas,
brothers and sister, dad and mom at home,
friends from Uni...
Words wouldn't be enough to express my appreciation to all of you...
Tho sometimes I hurt you, you hurt me,
we are still friends and we'll be there for each other...
2011 has been a memory so vast and deep that words
wouldn't suffice...

People,
may 2012 brings breakthroughs in your life,
breakthroughs in relationships, spirituality, studies and
renewal of vision...
Continue to add colours to the world of people ar
ound you...
Thank you all, you all have been friends of mine, good friends of mine ^^
as for mum and dad, good parents ^^
FAREWELL 2011!!!^^

Last but not least, Thanks Dad^^

HAPPIE NUU YEAA^^



















Love you guys!!!^^

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Something Out Of The Ordinary

You are my light,
You are my strength,
You are mt rock,
On You I'll stand...
In Christ forever I stand...
I will believe...

You are strong enough in my weekness,
God be lifted up and I will sing,
Lift Your praises high,
Lord be magnify,
You'll make all things new,

I will believe...

With the earphones on,
The song plays..
An assurance whispers,
As peace descends,
God is still here, in USMKK...
He is never faraway...

Its been a long time since I last felt this way,
A sense of peace even when things seem so close at hand, too close for relaxation...
Its a peace and inner assurance that always know that its You, God...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

14th December 2011 QT

Today this verse particularly caught my attention...
Proverbs 16:25
"There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death."
No everything people around you do are correct... Follow them and meet your doom...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

13th September 2011

It was just another ordinary day in USMKK...
Had lecture (presentations) at 8 o'clock till noon...
After lunch at Kafe Harmoni, we went to the library and I started reading The History of Medicine...
After that, we went back to the lecture hall and we were divided into groups in which we took turn to get our skeleton sets, microscopes, and microscope slides...
I helped Yee Wee carry her box of skeletons back to DM 3 together with Gareth...
The whole night I was just sitting infront of the laptop until now, started restudy the notes the lecturer gave yesterday... read through it once yesterday... Now I think I wanna do my Quiet Time ady...
Proverbs 15:33
The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honour comes humility...
Can I be humble when I know I can do certain things I want to do better than those around me?
Father, give me a heart of humility so that I may not be proud in my strength, but to lean on You for wisdom to use this gift and strength...

Monday, September 12, 2011

Orientation

Its been a tiring week.. hv to read Bible on my phone... skipped journals as I have to sleep at 130 at night and wake up the next morning with a dizzy head at 430... this is so tiring... But I would like to thank all the PPSL for having the initiative to help us when we need their service... Some of them didnt even sleep at night... From them I hv learnt to offer help for those who really need it with willingness and sincerity... Anyway, to day is my first lecture.. the lecture started at 8 o'clock abd ended at 4 in the afternoon... we met up with seniors and had a group discussion until 730 evening before i hv beehoon soup as my dinner.. the its back to room and study until 12... walau... crazy... As for today's QT, which I am doing now, Proverbs 14:23 In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Forever Faithful


Stumbling I came, pursuing flawlessness.
Fumbling I came, seeking Your forgiveness.

Condemning guilt, I know I am unworthy.

With crippling shame, I shunned Your countenance.


Your eyes shone bright, piercing consuming flame.

Peeling me bare, You see me through and through.


The eyes of truth, burning away my masks.

I've got nothing, nowhere to hide from you.

All uncovered, I have to be truthful.

LORD this is me, sinful and ignorant.

Again I've failed, breaking my vows of old.

Making new ones, again broken in shame.

I have failed You, taking You for granted.
I'm unworthy drowned in much guilt and shame.


Though You see me, in all my shortcomings.

Faithful You are, You've never let me go.


I deserved death, but Saviour gave His life.

For redemption, the scarlet fountain flows.

I was once cursed, but now blessed through Him.

Death conquered, eternal life given.


Children of wrath, doomed... no, not anymore...

Purchased by grace, unchanging love divine.


Here once again, in You presence I stand.

Here in Your courts, I dwell forevermore.


Overflowing, LORD You have filled my cup.

Goodness and love, will surely follow me...

YAHWEH RAAH, lead me my good shepherd.

In You I'll trust, God
FOREVER FAITHFUL.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Children Of Light

Born of the Light,
Pure and flawless.
Thriving with joy
In peace and love.

Then came that day,
The tempter sly.
Doomed deceiver,
Father of lies.

Disobedient,
Both went astray.
Children of Light
Stumbled and marred.

His heart broken,
Creator came
To the Garden
Robbed of its bliss.

He came seeking
The hiding man.
Hiding in shame,
Fearful in guilt.

Calling for Him,
Creator seeks.
No more hiding,
No where to hide.

"I was afraid
And so I hid,"
Replied the man,
In shame and guilt.

In between love
And holiness,
God took his stand.
Judgement pronounced.

On its belly
The Serpent crawled.
Children of Light,
Flawed and banished.

BUT...

It's not over.
God incarnate,
Emmanuel.
A babe was born.

Humility,
God chose to dwell
Among sinners,
Blinded and lost.

Going through life
Just as we did.
Tempted and tried,
Victorious still.

Passover came,
He drank the cup
In obedience
to God His LORD.

Sinless made sin,
Son of Most High.
Grace streaming down,
The royal blood.

Children of Light,
Bought at a cost.
Condemned rebels,
Purchased by grace.

On the cross hung
Our Savior King.
Risen to life,
Death defeated.

Breaking bondage,
Crushing strongholds,
Smashing the chains,
The slaves set free.

Arise and shine,
Rise to Battle.
Awaken now,

Children of Light

Monday, May 2, 2011

Worn Out

Today was my first day teaching in school and I am worn out completely...
It's been some time since I last blogged...
I am quite busy now and can't really blog...
Will blog more after 12th July... Promise...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Never Will I Forget-In Remembrance Of Jeremiah School 2011

This video is dedicated in remembrance of Jeremiah School 2011...




These are the beautiful people I've met, the colourful moments we shared somewhere called Jeremiah School...

This is what is left now that we've walk our own separate ways...

It's a place where people share about their walk with God together,
Where people share their pain and joy together.
It's a place where love and acceptance is in the air,

Looking forward for the next d
ay while lying in bed today,
Waking up in the morning hoping that the day will not end .

People communing in the tangible presence of God everyday,
Savoring every drop of love and grace in the atmosphere...

That's how it has always been in those 6 weeks...

Now, it seems so close,
Yet feels so far already...

I will never ever be able to re
-live these memories again...

Now that we've all gone our own separate ways,
Pursuing dreams of our hearts,

Some are still closely i
n touch,

Closely knitted...

Some just felt so cold...

Will it ever be again,
That w
e stand on the shore together,
Looking across the Strait,
Each face gleaming with the golden ray of the setting sun...

Knowing that I have you in my heart,

You have me in your heart,

And God has always hold us to His...


As swiftly as the evening sun sinks beneath the horizon,

6 weeks together hastened to an end...

It was a beautiful one...


I love all of you and miss all of you...

Sometimes it pains me to know that we have our own calling and future in life...

Destiny might not favor the convergence of our paths…

But someday,
I k
now,
In Papa's hands,
We will mee
t again,
And that time,
I shall embrace you and never let you go anymore...

A life time is not too long...
To live as frien
ds...

Never Will I Forget…

And I hope you don’t...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Sorry, Papa...

Lover,'This is for you my darling...' *with a gentle smile*

Darling,'Take it away! Who will need a rose from you. Be practical, just give me something I'll find useful. You must be out of your mind!'*Took the rose and threw it on the ground, stepped one it and walked away.

Lover picked up the rose looked at it... and thought to himself... I have walked all the way to the nearest florist... With my daily earnings, this is all I can afford... To buy a rose for you... Why will you never appreciate... It's true that I can give you something else... But dear, you've forgotten that today is Valentine's day...

On Good Friday, the rose was given... Yet why there are people that will just trample upon this gift of love and ignore it... It's heart-breaking for God to see his beloved child, rebelling against Him...

Why? Why can't I love Him just as much as He loves me and stop breaking His heart...

"Papa, I am sorry... For I have not love you with all I've got while you've willingly love an outcast like me...
Why do I keep trampling upon this rose you offered...?
Papa... Please forgive me and help me love you, just as you've love me... With all my heart and soul..."

From,
Your undeserving son.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Rose-Blossom Of Love

Just as God passover the Isrealites when He sees the blood of the slain lamb on the door posts,
His judgement and wrath passover us as He sees the blood of Jesus that was shed on the cross.

A holy God, yet so loving that He would gave His only son that His prodigal sons and daughters might be able to come.home again.

The gift of love is already offered to us. Will we receive it with hands and heart emptied of self-righteousness and egoism?

Or will we trampled on this gift of love that God sacrifice His one and only son?

When Jesus died on that cross, he knew that not all will receive this gift of love. But still, He knew that those that will believe and humble themselves at the feet of the cross in repentance is worth dying for.

I think if you want a reason as to why Jesus chosed to be crucified on the cross while he can just get down from the cross just by wishing it, it will be love.

Though you may have taken it for granted all these years, it is never too late too come back to God. You might think that your past is to shameful and awful that people will never be able to accept you. I have news for you. You are never an outcast in God's eyes. You are just a long-lost child. He is waiting for you to come home. Will you? He loves you... Even when people in the church finds it hard to accept you... Will you come home to a God that truly loves you like Papa? Come home...

The trampled petals of the Rose Of The Cross is the gift of love from God to humanity that was destined to eternal death in hell.

Now, this rose is offered to you anew...
Will you take hold of it?
Embrace it in love and gratitude...

The Rose Of The Cross-Relentless Invitation Of Love From God

The Rose-Blossom Of Love

Friday, April 22, 2011

Dead Heart?

Is not that I am so desperate to lose it.
It just crept into me...
All of a sudden...
I stopped missing people that I used to miss like crazy...

What is happening to me...

Is love for others creeping out and my heart starts to stone again?

I will never want that to happened AGAIN...
But it is happening AGAIN...

Though sometimes I am drawn to the stonie heart I once had...
To mask my anger with silence...
To mask my happiness with a face void of expression...

Is that me?
It WAS me...
Will it still be me?

I have not an idea of what's going...
It is just turning cold...
Dying... To the feelings and emotions...

Dead Heart...?
Shall I embrace you and die to an emtional soul,
Just to seek comfort in myself and materials...

Or...

Shall I seek love and truth in life,
That you might live and be filled with vibrance...?

Dead Heart...

Monday, April 18, 2011

Circle Of Friends

We were made to love and be loved
But the price this world demands will cost you far too much
I spent so many years just trying to fit in
Now I've found a place in this circle of friends
In a circle of friends we have one father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That every orphaned soul will know
And all will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends
If you weep, I will weep with you
If you sing for joy the rest of us will lift our voices too
But no matter what you feel inside there's no need to pretend
That's the way it is in this circle of friends
In a circle of friends
We have one father
In a circle of friends we share this prayer
That we'll gather together no matter how the highway bends
I will not lose this circle of friends
Among the nations, tribes and tongues we have sisters and brothers
And when we meet in heaven we will recognize each other
With joy so deep and love so sweet
Oh we'll celebrate these friends
And a life that never ends
In a prayer
That will not be long before
All will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends
That it will not be long before
All will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/point+of+grace/#share

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Myself In The Future


I wasn't aware...
But it is one of the things (I guess)

That was keeping me from becoming what I wanted to be...

As gentle as a dove,
Yet as shrewd as a serpent...

Well,
this thing is call a soft-memory-graven-heart...

Too sincere,

Too trusting,

Too ignorant toward betrayal,

Too open,

To anyone...


A mouth that is quick to speak,

Ears that are not made to listen...


A mind that is too general...

Which never consider the details...

Well, I want things to change...

A stronger, softer, memory-graven heart,
A determine and sensible mind...

I've been using my heart far too often,

I guess it is time to use my mind instead...


Well,

Sincere but reserved,

Trusting but not anyone,

Be sensible in speech,

And be patient and subtle enough to listen...


Sharing this is being far too open I guess...

So, that's what I want to see in

Myself In The Future.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Selfless

I've learnt through the conflicts that happened today.

Well, I had a hard time communicating with my mum, friends, and even God.

Just as I lay down in my bed, hugging my pillow, I started pondering.

Why am I so angry and frustrated with the development of these relationships?

That's when it occurs to me that I've been looking at my own interests and thinking that everyone is there to meet my needs.

Well, things just doesn't work that way.

I realized this one truth that its when we start to live for people around us that we will find the joy of giving and blessing others and in turn be able to be grateful for the blessings others shower upon us.

What else is more joy giving than this?

Often I asked that God will look into my heart and see that I need to 'feel' his presence. Well, it is not wrong to think that way. But how many times do we truly consider the desires of God's heart?

Laying down the interests of self so that others may find theirs met, and you may find yours met too.

The blessings of a SELFLESS life is the joy of giving and blessing others.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

!!!Reunions!!!

Well, we, the Northern Region Jakuns met up alot more frequent!!!! Lol... I also dunnoe what to write actually, just feel like blogging so yah...
We usually talk crap...
But there will also be times when we miss the company of people like ZWay, Ian, Joel, Bryan, Eric, John and........ JAMES?
Owh and the 10 princesses... who arh?
Erm... Eva, Joanna, Rachael, Christina, Cindel, Su Ee, Vennesa, Denise, Beckie and Beatrice...
Anyway, we are having fun here with a meso-cheese-stick squirrel here... He parked his car 500 Meters across the railway station and asked Jeremiah and I to walk all the way there to get his car man... He is really Meso larh^^ Anyway, we are not 'rotting' at his house... But got a lot of food. So nevermind larh^^
And later we are gonna spend some money at Jusco... dunnoe what we will be doing yet^^ anyway^^ chao, we are going for lunch...^^
We table pooled in the arcade.... man, i discovered my hidden talent man...

Monday, April 11, 2011

ALL GLORY AND HONOUR BE TO YOU!!!

10th April 2011, Sunday.

Just felt so unmotivated to wake up this morning because my bro knock the room door and said:"hey Titus, dad said you need to deal with the dog shit in the porch later because we are all going to school already...".

Anyway, I woke up one hour later and did my quiet time and lent meditation.
Remembering that I've gotto deliver a speech, no, its two speeches in the school later, I was very nervous because I haven't really memorized anything for the mandarin speech yet. As for the english speech, I was quite well prepared.
However, I've included God in my speech's script and I am still contemplating on whether or not to said it later.
Anyway, I prayed to Daddie.
I asked Him:"God, use my words and speak through me, even to a multitude of non-believers. I don't care how are they gonna look at me. I pray that your words will be place in my mouth as I deliver the speech later.".
I just quiet my self and continue to pray for it.

I reached school at around 1045.
The ceremony starts at 1110.
So I actually met up with some old friends.
Some were with me since primary school.
We catched up much with each other.
One of my friends, Ivan asked me if he could help me check through my script for grammar mistakes.
I said:"no problem..."

He looked through everything and after he was done he asked me:"Eh Yi Hen, why are you suddenly so God-ish?"

I told him:"Well, I finally wanna be serious about my faith (after nineteen years)..."

He commented:"You sounded extreme. Are all Christians extremists that wouldn't tolerate it if anyone slander their religion?"

I said:"No. We love them."

"Why?" He inquired.

"Because the Bible says love your enemies..." I replied.

Again, he questioned:"What if someone killed you love ones, say... your mum?".

I answered:"Then I gotto chose to forgive and love that person. It will not be easy. But we as Christians must forgive others because God has forgiven us. If we don't, we can't receive forgiveness from God. Christians say a prayer called the Lord's Prayer. There is this sentence that says:"Father, forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespassed against us.". So that's why I have to chose to forgive."

He just shook his head and we switch topic.

Then comes the part where I have to deliver my speeches.
First in mandarin, then in english.
So, I kinda read through the mandarin script.
When I was done, the people started clapping.
I said:"Hey guys don't clap just yet, I've not finished my speech."
And there was a short-lived laughter in the square.

Then, I started my english speech.
I felt different.
Like:"hey, this is my language mann..."
To be truthful, I thought the mandarin speech was ok, but not very convincing because I was just reading the whole script.
Well, the english one was something different.
Although I memorized the whole script on this speech and I am having the script in my hands, I just said the words that came to my mind at that moment.
I only experienced this in Jeremiah School.
I was quite amazed.
I carried on without fear and fright until I came to the part where I suppose to say:
"ABOVE ALL, I SAID YES TO SPIRITUAL DEVOTION. I BELIEVE THAT I CAN PUT IN ALL MY EFFORTS INTO MY STUDIES, BUT THIS I KNOW, GOD HOLDS MY DESTINY, MY FUTURE IN HIS HANDS. WITHOUT HIM, I WOULDN'T HAVE PASSED STPM WITH FLYING COLOURS, I WOULD HAVE MISSED PERFECTION LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN SPM."
You wouldn't believe it, but MY LEGS ARE BOTH SHAKING AS I STARTED SAYING:"ABOVE ALL..."

I KNEW IT IS NOW OR NEVER.
I DON'T CARE WHAT WILL THE RESPONSE BE,
I DON'T CARE IF I'M GONNA PEE OR WEE IN MY TROUSERS,
I AM USING THIS OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME
TO STAND BEFORE THESE PEOPLE AND
GLORIFY GOD!!!

I left them with this,
"Do your best, give your best
And leave the rest to God.
I wish you all the best in all your future undertakings."
"Thank you!!!"
There was a thundering round applause
And I knew then, that all glory is given to God.

As I sat down, my friends was like muted. I think they realized that I am really serious about my Faith in God.

Later in the afternoon, I recalled my prayer when I was still studying in upper six.

"God, help me glorify you with my studies."

He fulfilled His part of the promise and I am glad that I chosed to to glorify Him. It's my first time and it wouldn't be the last.
I might looked like a fool in the eyes of my friends,
but I know, God approves of my act of glory-giving to Him.
That's all I care about.

Fast forward to late evening. (cause I just did some job application and bought fresh milk with my mum in the afternoon and slept 3 hours away.)

I really thank God for the opportunity to be a vessel of encouragement and a listening ear to my brother and dear sister from Jeremiah School.

The other highlight for tonight is that my mum and I went to pizza hut to redeem some vouchers and I asked my mum on the way back home:"Mum, what are the changes you see in me after Jeremiah School?"

She answered:"Well, you are more joyous, talk more, more open, and you are more even-tempered already. I think God broke some bondages and lifted some burdens in your life."

I totally agreed.

I was very happy to hear that from my mum.
We used to argue a lot. But since Jeremiah School, God has been gradually changing me and her and it is good to know that people notice the changes in you.
It's very encouraging.
But trust me, it was not easy for me to change the way I relate to my mum.
I used to strike my points and try very hard to prove myself with words.
But now I realize that
IF WORDS WOULDN'T SPEAK,
LET YOUR ACTIONS SHOW.
WHEN WORDS ARE MANY,
SIN IS NOT ABSENT.

I really want to thank God for today.
For he has open my eyes to see that it doesn't matter how people look at me and how they think of me.
The only thing that truly matters is God's approval and favour.
And when you humble yourselves to be willing to change and give in, God will reward your effort.

So I pray that you will be able to glorify God in everything you do, laying down your crowns at his feet, knowing that He gave you all these and if not for Him, you wouldn't be what you are now.

HALLELUJAH!!! ALL GLORY AND HONOUR BE TO YOU, DADDIE!!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Turning Point

9th April,
Woke up in the morning, excited about what's gonna happen it the morning. Lol.
Sam and Jay paid me a visit. We had roti canai somewhere in Kulim. Where, according to Beatrice, all the people there, i mean here live on trees. Lol.
And we had a nice ping pong championship. As usual, sam played like a girl, GIRL POWER!!!! And Jay was improving a lot. Tried out my cam continuous shots. Took about 500 pics in one hour time. Lol. But cannot upload now because this is a mobile blog. It will take one year i guess if i were to do it now.

I slept my afternoon off as i was memorising the speech for tomorrow. Well, i have been owl-ing this few nights, blogging.
When I woke up I just feel like something is very wrong with my life. So, i was kinda in a slow-motion mood. I feel like stoning. But then I also start reflecting on my days after js and reunion.

I realize that God has been slowly 'dethroned' from the throne of my heart. I realized that its time to come back to God. So I spent around 30 minutes or more before church service starts to tell God that I am really sorry for not being sensitive to Him, for not living for Him. I also told Him:'' Daddy, save me, take me, all of me, for I am all yours. Save me...'' I remembered that i used to said this in one of my prayers in js.

True enough, he did. We sang the song redeemer, saviour, friend during church service.
And God touched my heart. The chorus was exactly what I prayed in my heart.
" redeemer, redeem my heart AGAIN.
saviour, come and shelter me from sin.
you're familiar with my weaknesses,
devoted to the end.
redeemer saviour friend."

we sang the chorus repeatedly and i literally cried. I was so desperate to seek his presence just to live in his presence again, with him as my reason to live and to die. It just makes me feel "I am home AGAIN..." its a wonderful experience of God's love and saving grace.

My dad preached on John 5:1-15 this evening.
God reminded n
me that now that He has healed my spiritual invalidity, i should live a transformed life and not fall back into sin and shame anymore. It also reminds me that God has shown me a hope to a new life when i was blided by the darkness of the bondage of guilt (This amazing enciunter with God took place when I was attending the altar call on the 29th of December in Youth Quake 2010.)

So today, was actually another turning point, where I was met with God's love and saving grace again which is now my hope. Change, fight, and live for Him alone!!!

May God bless you with a personal encounter with Him.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Fight Against In Order To Fight For

Life is always a fight.
There are so many things in life that calls for a fight.
Sometimes, you get beaten up,
Sometimes, you bashed that fella up nicely and properly.
There are times when we fight against,
There are times when we fight for.
As for me,

I fight against doubt that shakens
In order to fight for unshakable faith.

I fight against the desires of the flesh which are so real and appealing, yet appaling
In order to fight for my purity.

I fight against ungrace and grudges that embitters
In order to fight for grace and pardon.

I fight against despair of uncertainties and impossibilities
In order to fight for hope of assurance and possibilities.

I fight against the fear of the world
In order to fight for the boldness and courage in Christ.

I fight against suspicion
In order to fight for trust.

I fight against corruption
In order to fight for integrity.

I fight against pretense
In order to fight for sincerity.

I fight against the lies of Satan that bind
In order to fight for the Truth of Christ that frees.

I fight against chaos
In order to fight for peace.

I fight against adultery
In order to fight for faithfulness in marriage.

I fight against impatience,
I fight against cruelty,
I fight against envy,
I fight against boastfulness,
I fight against pride,
I fight against insolance,
I fight against egoism,
I fight against irascibility,
I fight against unforgiveness,
I fight against evil,
I fight against untruthfulness,
I fight against insecurity,
I fight against distrust,
I fight against despondency,
I fight against the urge to give up,
I fight agianst the fear of failure,

In order to fight for this love we share,

In order to fight...
...For your heart.

Although I may lose the the battle,
But with God by my side,
I will win the war.

I fight against in order to fight for.

Friday, April 8, 2011

A Letter to Daddy: Daddy, I miss You.

Daddy,
It's been a long time since the last time we spend quality time together in Jeremiah School, just talking and enjoying one another's company. Life have gotten different now. The things in this life is gradually crowding you out of the picture.

I miss those times where I smiled at the ocean as the sun sinks below the horizon, knowing that you are standing right next to me, putting your arm across my shoulder.

I miss those times where I danced like nobody's business on the shore, knowing that you've have paid the price so that I will be free in your love.

I miss those times where I walk along the beach, letting the waves wash over my feet, knowing that you are thinking of me.

I miss those times where I soaked myself in the sea, knowing that your cleansing blood washes over me.

I miss those times where I stand in the hut when it rains, awe-struck, knowing that you are Yahweh.

I miss those times where I cried, knowing that you've touch the untouchable in me which none can ever reach.

I miss those times where I fall to my knees in tears, in complete gratefulness, knowing that I am the reason your Son hung on that lonely cross.

I miss those times where I find joy in reading your Word, knowing that it tells of your promises and faithfulness.

I miss those times where I sinked into my pillow and smiled, knowing that you are sitting by my bed, whispering into my ears:"...I love you my child... I will be here all night long... I am with you and... I miss you..."

"...Daddy, I miss You..."


Your longing child,
Titus Amadeus

Thursday, April 7, 2011

To Feel

To feel angry is to get onto the hook of unforgiven offence.
To feel irritated is to get onto the hook of annoying nuisance.
To feel exasperated is to get onto the hook of frustration.
To feel disgusted is to get onto the hook of loathsome revulsion.
To feel jealous is to get onto the hook of envy.
To feel sad is to get onto the hook of haunting grief.
To feel dissapointed is to get onto the hook of unmet expectations.
To feel shameful is to get onto the hook of remorseful guilt.
To feel neglected is to get onto the hook of rejection and loneliness.
To feel fearful is to get onto the hook of frightful dread.


To feel surprised is to embrace astonishing amazement.
To feel excited is to embrace enthusiastic zeal.
To feel contented is to embrace satisfying pleasure.
To feel prideful is to embrace triumphant achievement.
To feel joy is to embrace amusing glee.
To feel relieved is to embrace an off-the-hook experience.
To feel affection is to embrace tender adoration.


To desire is to embrace with passionate infatuation.


To LOVE is GIVING YOUR BEST WHILE BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN THE OTHER PERSON.


TO FEEL IS TO EMBRACE YOURSELF AS A HUMAN.

Mobile blogging?

I think its no harm trying someting different when you are 'decaying' at home right. Sigh. I have been deprived from blog for more than 24hours and I can't stand it any longer. Anyway, this is just random. Yet to come up with some 'serious' stuffs. That's all for now. Chao!!!

Only When It Rains


Drops after drops they descended from heaven...
Drops after drops they nourishes the earth...
His blessings rain on me,
Overflowing...
Seeping into every part of me...

I always liked water...
The oceans, waterfalls, and even the rain...


I remembered the 2nd Silent Retreat in Jeremiah School 2011...
Its raining that morning...
I was at the hut...
Just praising God with all His names I've known...
I looked at the choppy waves...
The stormy seas...
I look at the distant horizon...
I looked to the gloomy sky...
I feel the breeze in my face...


All these blend into a harmonious chaotic picture...
Its perfectly chaotic...
And yet I always liked it when it rains heavily...
In me there is an unexplainable peace and restfulness...
There is a calm stillness in the air...
I will just open my arms wide and stretch them to the max...
"Fill me with your stillness and peace Yahweh Raah, Yahweh Shalom."


The peace and greatness of God is evident in the storms of life...
Only When It Rains.



Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Beautifully Engraved

04 January 2011, the day that marked a TURNING POINT OF CHANGES on my life…

At first I thought I only leave for JS on the 5th

Well, luckily Jeremiah called… wait, its Samuel…

Argh, I forgot already… Anyway, thanks.

Well, on the night of 4th January 2011, Jeremiah, Sam, James, Joshua, Sieh Jin and I reached GSBC at around 9 pm. As I was walking into the hall and putting my luggage at the back of the hall, I can’t help but to smile, because everyone is like looking at us (the latecomers) like one kind only. (Thanks to Joshua, his shirt says: “sorry I am late “) I looked around and said:”Hi…” Some of the people there said hi (should be Denise), some just kept quiet… I was quite fearful at first after hearing my brother’s JS stories on conflicts. I was thinking:”these are the people will be living with for the next six weeks… What will happen here… “ Zillions of questions started popping in my mind. I’ve also heard of BGR too… And I’ve also heard that the mentors will be watching us very closely. (They did a great job) I am fearful that I might get involve in one of these BGR thingy too… Scared… Anyway, skip that… :D

Living with twenty six completely different Homo sapiens is not a piece of cake, but it’s also fun and challenging.

There are times where we wake up at 5 am (once only)

And there are also times where we wake up at mid-day… (Eric?)

There are times where we feel bold and fearless (on the way to the hut for QT with John and Sam)

And there are also times where we feel our hairs standing on ends with goose bumps all over our arms… shiver

There are times where we come back after QT, finding all the bathrooms occupied.

And there are also times where we took our own sweet time tupai-ing and showering because the rest are still wandering in dreamland.

There are times where we enjoy the powerful current of the shower.

And there are also times where Herbie and I walked out of our RESPECTIVE cubicles in our ‘sarung’ and realized that someone (probably Jeremiah) turned of the main tap… (James Ong’s brilliant idea)

There are times where I met Beatrice and Cindel at the canteen, doing their QT (and talking)…

And there are also times when Sam ran away from the ping pong table (where Beckie and Christina used to do their QT) when CQ yelled at him… Lol… He’s so not gonna forget this…

There are times where we have nice toast for breakfast.

And there are also times where our bread got stuck in the toaster and everyone was like:”how arh, what to do now?”

There are times where we helped out at the “wash”.

And there are also times where we steal bone (direct translation from Malay)

There are times where we get serious and personal during QT sharing (seldom)

And there are also times where we only start on a wake-up-call from God (Location: Amphitheater… We were not starting YET that morning and are just carried away with nonsense when a bird shit on Bryan’s shoulder… We were like:”Ok… Let’s open with a word of prayer…”)

There are times where we were super noisy during sessions.

And there are also times where we kept extremely quiet (Rev. Yong Wai Yin’s session…”…Its simply rude…” Walaua…)

Ok, let’s take a 15 minutes break now and be sure to come back here after 15 minutes

16 MINUTES LATER… “Next time be more punctual arh… we want to start on time…” CQ.

Ok, shall we?

There are times where we really can focus.

And there are also times where we kept looking at the watch and wonder did someone slowed time down, knowing that we are so looking forward for lunch.

There are times where we slept through Siesta

And there are also times where the mentors have to ‘shoo’ us to get into our beds… “Cannot sleep also get into your bed and close your eyes”… But sometimes when they are not around some hypers really don’t care anymore…^^

There are times where we felt refreshed after the nap…

And there are also times where we came down and some girls asked me:”Titus, why all the guys like emo one?” Reply:”Just woke up larh…” *Yawn* *Not even looking at the person* SO SORRY GIRLS ^^

There are times when all of us played Captain Ball together.

And there are also times when the guys “vege” some people in the sea (Sorry Sam, John and Austin) LOL.

There are times where we can see some monyets parkour-ing.

And there are also times where it rains and some smart people organized a wrestling championship in the Bro’s Quarters. (Titus is the camp.) ^^

There are times where we can just wash our clothes in peace.

And there are also times where someone (must be ZWay because he is such a disturbomaniac)is spraying water into the cubicles when someone else (poor Joel) is bathing inside… Lol

There are times where dinner is so tasteless.

And there are also times where shouts of Hallelujah rings so loud that you thought someone rose from the dead… (Cheh, its Beckie rupanya, just desperate to be able to talk again and of course, eat)

There are times where we share about out Silent Retreats. (SR)

And there are also times where we listen to pastor-and-pastor-ress-to-be-or-wannabees preaching

There are times where we had supper around the ping pong tables.

And there are also times where we sneaked out to have supper and mentoring at the Mamak stall outside.

There are times where we just feel like dropping dead on the bed, sinking into the pillows.

And there are also times where we need the peace of God to overcome the fear in us.

There are times before bed where we are just glad that we grew closer together to God that day.

And there are also times before bed where we are just sad that JS 2011 is just one day closer to the end...

There are times where… where… wheee…..reee……ZZZZ……



Herbie,

You’ve been a ‘daddy’ to me. You have always helped me out and cheer me on with your wise encouragements. You are a person I’ve always looked up to, a role model.

I still remember the first time we REALLY engaged in a two-of-us-only conversation. You said:”blah…blah…blah… Control your hormones…” Lol. To be truthful, I was quite scared at that point of time. But at the same time I already knew what you are gonna say when you say you wanna talk to me^^ Looking back, I gradually became more open to you. Sometimes, we just have fun arguing, but you will always win. I will always reason that it’s because you are 51 and I am just 20, just wait till I am 51, then I might probably win. But there was once you said that you don’t know whether you will be around at that time. Aww… don’t say that, don’t leave so early, you’ve been a great blessing to me from Daddy… I am forever grateful to have met you in Jeremiah School 2011.




Austin,

Although you are a quiet guy, you are always there to listen to all my problems. You will just listen and let me finish my story, the only you will speak. You’ve helped me to see things from a different perspective. I don’t remember you getting pissed with us, your mentoring group. To me, you are a much elder brother, mature enough to mentor me. Thank you very much for your patience and care. 可爱的Austin ~~~falalalala~~~






Joshua,

You are like a not so elder brother to me, always coming up with some wild crazy ideas. That nerdy stupid outfit for dinner and the constant jiu-jitsu training will be the best examples. I can forget your face and expressions when you say:”I slaaaaap you nicely…” Owh, I miss going crazy with you sometimes. ^^ My siblings here are too soft, so I can’t have those funs we had with them. Sigh… But I really want to thank God for having an elder bro here in JS 2011 that converse with me at the same frequency… MoDanNas… Lol.


Choy Quin (CQ),

Although I did not get to know you as some of the girls did, to me, you are a ‘timely’ blessing from God.

I still remember the day when we had our confrontation. I felt like I got no one to approach. So I went and sat opposite you at the table at the back of the hall. Out of the blue you asked me:”How are you? How have you been doing?” Then I pondered on the past weeks and realized that I need to approach someone. Really, you are a timely blessing from God. Thank you very muchy, Miss Principal. ^^




Helen Khoo,

Calling you like that makes people feel like I am addressing a girl of my age ^^ Aiya, you should have join us since day one. You are a person with a pleasant character, teaching me how to relate to my mum sometimes. (Remember that the best way is to be nice to her friends.LOL) You are high-spirited and supportive. I really thank God for the time you were are with us, even though it was only 2 and a half weeks ^^



Ruth,

Slipper girl!!! LOL. You are like a elder sister to me, the exact opposite of Joshua. You are seldom wild and crazy like him. But you are also a real blessing to me. Especially during the CNY break. You’ve always helped me to see things from the brighter side, through God’s eyes. Thank you also for the team-building you organized-Go Fly Kites. The moment you wrote that down on the board I was like:”How do we go about doing this?” LOL. You’ve also tell be to be humble in my service to God. Thank you for being such a timely blessing from God. ^^



Eeleen,

Though I don’t know whether you will get to read what I’ve written here, but I will still write what you meant to me in JS 2011. ^^ To be truthful, I’ve never seen a person with such gentle and calm, soft-spoken personality like you. At first I thought you are one of the JS 2011 students because you looked like you are 18 or 20. But then when I realized that you are actually one of the mentors I was like:”What?!!! Ok…” But you left too early already. Wished you’d stay longer. Anyway, I am sure God will journey with you just as He did when you were with us. All the best. ^^

Bryan,

Your teachable heart and humility encouraged me. Through these six weeks, unknowingly, you’ve show me that one can change for the better if he or she is willing to receive comments and even critics with a humble heart. I still remember my first impression about you:”Budak Samseng..” You looked damn scary at first. Lol. But as I looked back when JS finally drew to a close, I see a changed person in you. You are a completely changed person with lots of patience (thanks for being the PA man) Good job bro, carry on!!!



Eric,

You are the only student around that is elder than me. But to me, you are a person that I can really call “My brother”. You’ve changed the way I speak:”Aiyo~不错哦!!!” and your “有没有”, all done with the Jay Chou pose. Somehow, I really respect you for your courage. I still remember our Bro-Open-Sharing, I just know that at that moment, I can totally feel along with you, cry along with you. I don’t know why, but I think it’s probably because I know that God will let you experience His grace and love, just as I did, even though we are unworthy. I just missed those times we laugh and cry together. I miss the times I walk into the room during Silent Retreats and find you sleeping, really silent… LOL. Anyway, thank you bro… *Hugs*



Ian,

I’ve always remembered you as a I-don’t-really-like-to-talk-person. But by God’s will and divine appointment, we were chosen to be the leaders for mission week. That’s when I get to know you better through the group leader meetings. You finally “warmed-up” and crack a few jokes during the last few days. I was like:”Ian, why now, why so late?” You have a different sense of humour from the rest of us. Besides that, you are really bold to voice out what God impressed upon your heart during mission week (pretense and hypocrisy) Continue to be courageous and be confident with what you can do and what you are in Christ. Take heart bro!!!




James,

Sorry for taking you as an extrovert the first time I met you in the va.LOL. I was talking to you non-stop and you were just like-Silent. Then after few days in JS, only I realized that you an introvert. You seldom talk, but I know you can talk a lot if I switch channel to Hokien channel. LOL.


Jeremiah,

Hey Jay, thanks for coming to JS 2011 with me, Without you, it will be no-fun-so-much-more. As in ZWay, Eric and I really get to crack racist jokes. LOL. Thank you for your regular visits even after JS, they kinda make me feel I amd not alone after all. ^^ It encourages me to see how much God has changed your life through JS 2011. Through this 6 weeks, I grew to know you more and now we can talk at the same frequency in our YF. Lol. And yah, thanks for all the fun we had watching you arguing with Eric. “Kurang ajar arh?” Lol. By the way, you are the inspiration of the Green Beans Brothers. Lol.




Joel,

I miss your retarded-irritating-self-composed songs you sang to irritate Eric during mission week. You are a person with great patience and you’ve always kept your head. Thanks for the wave board and ice-skating lessons, now I got a better sense of balance already ^^ Owh, plus, your poems really helped me picture God in my life and they inspired me a lot ^^ You ARE a gentleman ^^


John,

My accountability partner. Long time no see, short time no talk. LOL. How have you been doing? Have you blended well into your community now? Well, you are a listening ear. But you are kinda a I-know-all-about-you-but-you-don’t-know-all-about-me-yet person. You are like a younger brother to me and thank you for treating me like your elder brother. ^^




Samuel,

What the crap bro… as in wassup!!! Lol!!! You are always a sporting guy. No matter how terribly we kenakan you, you’ll say:”never mind, I forgive you.” ^^ People like you are rare, they are endangered species. Thank you for allowing the guys to “vege” you kau kau. LOL. We had our fun and you had yours, Mr. Meso-Chees-Stick. Lol. But sorry for your underwear that expended from L to XL. Lol. Thank you for treasuring our friendship and being sensitive to me. In you I found a person that really cares about friendship. God bless you in your future undertakings, bro. PENANG RAWKS!!! ^^



Titus,

Through these six weeks you’ve been the hardest person to grasp. Sometimes you even deceived me. And sometimes you are so good at wearing a mask. But thank God that you’ve found the courage and trust and love to take it down, although it meant revealing the unhealed scars and pain. God has started His divine work in you. Thus, hold on to His WORD and promises. Do not give in to the flesh, but walk by the Spirit. Thank you for your openness and crazy farting habit, Beckie will surely remember that.

*Beckie running after Titus*

*Titus:”Don’t follow me, I am gonna fart!!!”*

*Beckie insisted to follow right behind him*

*Then…Poooot*

*Beckie:”Owh my gosh, Titus!!!*

Lol.



ZWay,

Hey bro, you are a person with a bubbly character, always bluffing me and telling lame jokes. Thanks for being a racist. Lol. You did a great job in cutting Jeremiah’s leg hair. I remember the times where we had heart-to-heart conversations. I remember the times you challenge us to put our faith in God during the group leader meeting. You’ve been a great encouragement to me, Bro. By the way, thanks for your advice:”Eh Titus, next time don’t be so handsome larh…”



Vennesa,

Although we are of the same age, I always feel like you are my younger sister. Sometimes looking at you makes me wanna laugh. You are so chubby and just random at times. ^^ Thank you for being a listening ear during the first part of JS. Plus, thank you also for being 20 (the same goes for Eric) and for behaving like 20. Lol.



Su Ee,

I don’t think I REALLY know you yet< even after six weeks. You are a superb thinker man! Remember the mathematics question? I salute girl!!! ^^ At least you can argue with be one logical terms (sometimes) Lol. But I just don’t get it, I mean you fell for my prank call. Muahahahaha!!!!



Rachel,

The only person that I know in all these years having the same birthday with me. You are quiet person, probably observing the rest in silence. Sounds scary ^^ Miss your:”Hi same birthday.” ^^

Joanna,

At first when I was assigned into group one I was quite fearful that I wouldn’t be able to get the whole group to do stuff together. Thanks to you for helping me warming up the group. (Paraphrasing John 3:16) Thank you for being so helpful, especially in the worship team. ^^


Eva,

Miss the time you need some warmth and stick to me like super glue. ^^ Lol. You’ve got the guts girl even when auntie CQ is around. ^^ Thank you for being a younger sister to me. ^^


Denise,

Hey Denise, thank you for just being there to be a true friend that always listens to my complaints and problems. I am just truly blessed to have a friend who is always true to our friendship. You’ve always encourage me with your words. Sometimes, to know that someone cares is really relieving ^^ Thanks Denise. *Hugs*


Cindel,

Hiiii~ *with a super high pitch* Man!!! Although I always stopped up my ears with my fingers wherever you do that… But I really miss it now…. But please, not on the phone, I’ll have to change speakers later… LOL.




Christina,

I miss those times when I just burst into laughter whenever I look at the red tomato (your head).

I miss those times you asked me:”What’s your problem?”

Reply:”My problem is you.” ^^ lol.



Beckie,

My “Wife”!!! I miss the time after lunch and dinner when you will say:”Owh my gosh, I feel like I am pregnant for 3 months man…” LOL. You are the only person that never kept me on an awkward silence in our conversations (except for the first time we talked during the conversational ministry practice. But then we can’t keep quiet after we found out that our grandparents are staying in the same town!!!) Lol. You are a special person to me as in you coming to me with your problems sometimes and just say out what you feel. I feel like you are like my younger sister that always gets herself into some sort of problem. ^^. Lol. Thank you for being there to be a friend when I struggle to pull through the hard times in JS 2011. I truly treasure you as a true and special friend. I hope we will be able to stay like brothers and sisters, encouraging one another, upholding each other. Thank you^^ *Big big huggies* (Cause you are taller) ^^


Beatrice,

Hey, why are you the last? It’s just the reverse of the alphabetical order I used for the guys. No larh, I always keep the best for the last. ^^ LOL. Anyway, I thought you are an introvert at first, how wrong was I. I miss you first sermonette. You can actually multi-task if you don’t know. (Gliding, floating and preaching at the same time) I miss the first time we had a heart-to-heart talk on how to love daddy. I’ve always wanted to do so more often. But we are in JS. What to do? ^^ I miss the time I teased you (double-chinned) Lol. Not that you have. ^^ Was just having fun seeing your reactions. I miss your cam-consciousness. Even when the snap is not aimed at you, you will just pose at a corner. Lol. ^^Plus, thank you for making the effort to be understanding toward me. I really hope to have more time to know you more, a person will a super good act-blur-but-not- really-blur ability. Miss you very much. Love you too ^^ ... *~Huggies~*


Group 1,4,C and Austin’s mentoring group,

Doing things and learning together about God will you guys make things fun and interesting.

Mentors,

Sorry that at times (most of the times) we made you guys so stressed up.

Sorry that at times we failed your expectations.

But I also wanna thank you for now giving up on us,

Thank you for your love and care.

You’ve become like big brothers and sisters, dad and mum to us. ^^

Thank you guys, I love you all, *hug tightly*

The Brotherhood,

Thanks to all the Bros for keeping The Code for these six weeks in JS 2011.

Thanks to all the Bros for coming up with the 1st Code in JS history ^^ Thanks to God for helping us drew it out. May it be a “blessing” to coming JS batches as Uncle Herbert is having it now^^

The Sisterhood,

Thank you all for the romantic, hilarious, entertaining and funny Valentine’s Day. You all looked so cute in the school uniforms. Adorable!!! *pinch the cheek* .Lol.

Mission Week Group Leaders,

I miss the nights we shared our hearts, our fears and encouragements. Denise, ZWay, Ian, Herbie and Titus.

Uh-Owh, not forgetting The Green Bean Brothers!!! Ian, Joel, John, ZWay and Titus!!!

“Pick up the green beans

Pick up the green beans

Where are the little green beans?

Pick up the green beans

Pick up the green beans I see you little green beans!!!”

*Reach for Sam’s and Jay’s Nipps* Lol.

Officially established on the 26th of February 2011 in Herbie’s Serena around 7-8 p.m. lol.

We don’t take in new members. Sorry ^^

JS 2011: 04 Jan 2011-27 Feb 2011,

It has been a memory of sweet and sour,

Of love and conflict,

Of joy and pain.

The best of all is, we all went through these times together, united as one in Christ. United we stand till Christ comes in the fullness of His glory and splendor and we will see Him face to face.

“Well done, good and faithful servant!” Matt 25:23

JS 2011:”For we are already being poured out like drink offerings, and the time has come for our departure. We have fought the good fight, we have finished the race, and we have kept the faith. Now there is in store for us the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award us on that day-and not only us, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Tim 4:6-8


God,

Without you, Jeremiah School 2011 will never be our turning point. It’s you who planned and worked JS 2011 out, meeting us in a very special way. We ask that you will bring your works in our life to completion on The Day. We are forever grateful. And as we wait upon you, help us to be salt and light of the world. AMEN!!!