02/01/2012

What do You have to say?

1 Samuel 14:

Saul was impulsive in his actions. Should the priest have not stop him, he would have just went to plunder the Philistines. Seeking God's opinion, he found out that there are things that he needs to set right before God... Sin...
In our daily lives are we like Saul, impulsive in out doings that we forgot to ask God what does He has to say... We seldom consult His Words and just do what we think is right... Often we get ourselves into dire situations, hurting people around us...
So today, let us just seek God's heart, wait upon him... do not be rash...

Dare to trust

The first quiet time for 2012: 1 Samuel 13

Waiting in Obedience.

Saul, the first king of Israel took things into his own hands and burnt the sacrifice before the war which only prophet Samuel is supposed to do. Taking things into his own hands, Saul was despised by God and his kingdom was taken from him. If Saul would have waited, things would turn out fine. Well, could it be that this is the year God is telling me,"Wait, don't make any rash decision... Wait and I will show you my plans for you..." If we dare to take the risk to trust God, His plans that give us hope and a future will be fulfilled in our lives...

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Dare to trust.

Farewell, 2011

The year 2011 has been a turning point, a new chapter, another story of my life where I've changed so much, learnt to appreciate friends and family, learnt to miss home... and survive...

Its been a great year, (no, more than great, its awesome...)

with all its ups and downs,

from JS to Reunions,

from there to lots of KL trips,

then to teaching as a temporary teacher in my own high school,

mission trip to Sarawak^^

then to Uni,

then to R 2100 desasiswa nurani (Woei Long, Pik Yang and Sheng Fatt)

...

meeting new people, Ivans^^

The four princesses, Sharon Lai, Chuusuen, Xinyi

and Noelle^^

Avan, Kok Zhang, Hong Jin, Lam, Li Ren and many many more friends...

its been a year of new things and people...

To those who have given me your time and 'sweats' in forging this special memory,

the JS retards^^ haha

and

my high-school friends (dunnoe when will we meet up again)...

church felllas,

brothers and sister, dad and mom at home,

friends from Uni...

Words wouldn't be enough to express my appreciation to all of you...

Tho sometimes I hurt you, you hurt me,

we are still friends and we'll be there for each other...

2011 has been a memory so vast and deep that words

wouldn't suffice...

People,

may 2012 brings breakthroughs in your life,

breakthroughs in relationships, spirituality, studies and

renewal of vision...

Continue to add colours to the world of people ar

ound you...

Thank you all, you all have been friends of mine, good friends of mine ^^

as for mum and dad, good parents ^^

FAREWELL 2011!!!^^

Last but not least, Thanks Dad^^

HAPPIE NUU YEAA^^

Love you guys!!!^^

Something Out Of The Ordinary

You are my light,

You are my strength,

You are mt rock,

On You I'll stand...

In Christ forever I stand...

I will believe...

You are strong enough in my weekness,

God be lifted up and I will sing,

Lift Your praises high,

Lord be magnify,

You'll make all things new,

I will believe...

With the earphones on,

The song plays..

An assurance whispers,

As peace descends,

God is still here, in USMKK...

He is never faraway...

Its been a long time since I last felt this way,

A sense of peace even when things seem so close at hand, too close for relaxation...

Its a peace and inner assurance that always know that its You, God...

14th December 2011 QT

Today this verse particularly caught my attention...
Proverbs 16:25
"There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death."
No everything people around you do are correct... Follow them and meet your doom...

13th September 2011

It was just another ordinary day in USMKK...
Had lecture (presentations) at 8 o'clock till noon...
After lunch at Kafe Harmoni, we went to the library and I started reading The History of Medicine...
After that, we went back to the lecture hall and we were divided into groups in which we took turn to get our skeleton sets, microscopes, and microscope slides...
I helped Yee Wee carry her box of skeletons back to DM 3 together with Gareth...
The whole night I was just sitting infront of the laptop until now, started restudy the notes the lecturer gave yesterday... read through it once yesterday... Now I think I wanna do my Quiet Time ady...
Proverbs 15:33
The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honour comes humility...
Can I be humble when I know I can do certain things I want to do better than those around me?
Father, give me a heart of humility so that I may not be proud in my strength, but to lean on You for wisdom to use this gift and strength...

Orientation

Its been a tiring week.. hv to read Bible on my phone... skipped journals as I have to sleep at 130 at night and wake up the next morning with a dizzy head at 430... this is so tiring... But I would like to thank all the PPSL for having the initiative to help us when we need their service... Some of them didnt even sleep at night... From them I hv learnt to offer help for those who really need it with willingness and sincerity... Anyway, to day is my first lecture.. the lecture started at 8 o'clock abd ended at 4 in the afternoon... we met up with seniors and had a group discussion until 730 evening before i hv beehoon soup as my dinner.. the its back to room and study until 12... walau... crazy... As for today's QT, which I am doing now, Proverbs 14:23 In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty...

Forever Faithful

Stumbling I came, pursuing flawlessness.
Fumbling I came, seeking Your forgiveness.

Condemning guilt, I know I am unworthy.
With crippling shame, I shunned Your countenance.

Your eyes shone bright, piercing consuming flame.
Peeling me bare, You see me through and through.

The eyes of truth, burning away my masks.
I've got nothing, nowhere to hide from you.

All uncovered, I have to be truthful.
LORD this is me, sinful and ignorant.

Again I've failed, breaking my vows of old.
Making new ones, again broken in shame.

I have failed You, taking You for granted.
I'm unworthy drowned in much guilt and shame.

Though You see me, in all my shortcomings.
Faithful You are, You've never let me go.

I deserved death, but Saviour gave His life.
For redemption, the scarlet fountain flows.

I was once cursed, but now blessed through Him.
Death conquered, eternal life given.

Children of wrath, doomed... no, not anymore...
Purchased by grace, unchanging love divine.

Here once again, in You presence I stand.
Here in Your courts, I dwell forevermore.

Overflowing, LORD You have filled my cup.
Goodness and love, will surely follow me...

YAHWEH RAAH, lead me my good shepherd.
In You I'll trust, God FOREVER FAITHFUL.

Children Of Light

Born of the Light,
Pure and flawless.
Thriving with joy
In peace and love.

Then came that day,
The tempter sly.
Doomed deceiver,
Father of lies.

Disobedient,
Both went astray.
Children of Light
Stumbled and marred.

His heart broken,
Creator came
To the Garden
Robbed of its bliss.

He came seeking
The hiding man.
Hiding in shame,
Fearful in guilt.

Calling for Him,
Creator seeks.
No more hiding,
No where to hide.

"I was afraid
And so I hid,"
Replied the man,
In shame and guilt.

In between love
And holiness,
God took his stand.
Judgement pronounced.

On its belly
The Serpent crawled.
Children of Light,
Flawed and banished.

BUT...

It's not over.
God incarnate,
Emmanuel.
A babe was born.

Humility,
God chose to dwell
Among sinners,
Blinded and lost.

Going through life
Just as we did.
Tempted and tried,
Victorious still.

Passover came,
He drank the cup
In obedience
to God His LORD.

Sinless made sin,
Son of Most High.
Grace streaming down,
The royal blood.

Children of Light,
Bought at a cost.
Condemned rebels,
Purchased by grace.

On the cross hung
Our Savior King.
Risen to life,
Death defeated.

Breaking bondage,
Crushing strongholds,
Smashing the chains,
The slaves set free.

Arise and shine,
Rise to Battle.
Awaken now,
Children of Light

Worn Out

Today was my first day teaching in school and I am worn out completely...
It's been some time since I last blogged...
I am quite busy now and can't really blog...
Will blog more after 12th July... Promise...

Never Will I Forget-In Remembrance Of Jeremiah School 2011

This video is dedicated in remembrance of Jeremiah School 2011...

These are the beautiful people I've met, the colourful moments we shared somewhere called Jeremiah School...

This is what is left now that we've walk our own separate ways...

It's a place where people share about their walk with God together,
Where people share their pain and joy together.
It's a place where love and acceptance is in the air,

Looking forward for the next day while lying in bed today,
Waking up in the morning hoping that the day will not end .

People communing in the tangible presence of God everyday,
Savoring every drop of love and grace in the atmosphere...

That's how it has always been in those 6 weeks...

Now, it seems so close,
Yet feels so far already...

I will never ever be able to re-live these memories again...

Now that we've all gone our own separate ways,
Pursuing dreams of our hearts,

Some are still closely in touch,

Closely knitted...

Some just felt so cold...

Will it ever be again,
That we stand on the shore together,
Looking across the Strait,
Each face gleaming with the golden ray of the setting sun...

Knowing that I have you in my heart,

You have me in your heart,

And God has always hold us to His...

As swiftly as the evening sun sinks beneath the horizon,

6 weeks together hastened to an end...

It was a beautiful one...

I love all of you and miss all of you...

Sometimes it pains me to know that we have our own calling and future in life...

Destiny might not favor the convergence of our paths…

But someday,
I know,
In Papa's hands,
We will meet again,
And that time,
I shall embrace you and never let you go anymore...

A life time is not too long...
To live as friends...

Never Will I Forget…

And I hope you don’t...

Sorry, Papa...

Lover,'This is for you my darling...' *with a gentle smile*

Darling,'Take it away! Who will need a rose from you. Be practical, just give me something I'll find useful. You must be out of your mind!'*Took the rose and threw it on the ground, stepped one it and walked away.

Lover picked up the rose looked at it... and thought to himself... I have walked all the way to the nearest florist... With my daily earnings, this is all I can afford... To buy a rose for you... Why will you never appreciate... It's true that I can give you something else... But dear, you've forgotten that today is Valentine's day...

On Good Friday, the rose was given... Yet why there are people that will just trample upon this gift of love and ignore it... It's heart-breaking for God to see his beloved child, rebelling against Him...

Why? Why can't I love Him just as much as He loves me and stop breaking His heart...

"Papa, I am sorry... For I have not love you with all I've got while you've willingly love an outcast like me...
Why do I keep trampling upon this rose you offered...?
Papa... Please forgive me and help me love you, just as you've love me... With all my heart and soul..."

From,
Your undeserving son.

The Rose-Blossom Of Love

Just as God passover the Isrealites when He sees the blood of the slain lamb on the door posts,
His judgement and wrath passover us as He sees the blood of Jesus that was shed on the cross.

A holy God, yet so loving that He would gave His only son that His prodigal sons and daughters might be able to come.home again.

The gift of love is already offered to us. Will we receive it with hands and heart emptied of self-righteousness and egoism?

Or will we trampled on this gift of love that God sacrifice His one and only son?

When Jesus died on that cross, he knew that not all will receive this gift of love. But still, He knew that those that will believe and humble themselves at the feet of the cross in repentance is worth dying for.

I think if you want a reason as to why Jesus chosed to be crucified on the cross while he can just get down from the cross just by wishing it, it will be love.

Though you may have taken it for granted all these years, it is never too late too come back to God. You might think that your past is to shameful and awful that people will never be able to accept you. I have news for you. You are never an outcast in God's eyes. You are just a long-lost child. He is waiting for you to come home. Will you? He loves you... Even when people in the church finds it hard to accept you... Will you come home to a God that truly loves you like Papa? Come home...

The trampled petals of the Rose Of The Cross is the gift of love from God to humanity that was destined to eternal death in hell.

Now, this rose is offered to you anew...
Will you take hold of it?
Embrace it in love and gratitude...

The Rose Of The Cross-Relentless Invitation Of Love From God

The Rose-Blossom Of Love

Dead Heart?

Is not that I am so desperate to lose it.
It just crept into me...
All of a sudden...
I stopped missing people that I used to miss like crazy...

What is happening to me...

Is love for others creeping out and my heart starts to stone again?

I will never want that to happened AGAIN...
But it is happening AGAIN...

Though sometimes I am drawn to the stonie heart I once had...
To mask my anger with silence...
To mask my happiness with a face void of expression...

Is that me?
It WAS me...
Will it still be me?

I have not an idea of what's going...
It is just turning cold...
Dying... To the feelings and emotions...

Dead Heart...?
Shall I embrace you and die to an emtional soul,
Just to seek comfort in myself and materials...

Or...

Shall I seek love and truth in life,
That you might live and be filled with vibrance...?

Dead Heart...

Myself In The Future

I wasn't aware...
But it is one of the things (I guess)
That was keeping me from becoming what I wanted to be...

As gentle as a dove,
Yet as shrewd as a serpent...

Well,
this thing is call a soft-memory-graven-heart...
Too sincere,
Too trusting,
Too ignorant toward betrayal,
Too open,
To anyone...

A mouth that is quick to speak,
Ears that are not made to listen...

A mind that is too general...
Which never consider the details...

Well, I want things to change...
A stronger, softer, memory-graven heart,
A determine and sensible mind...

I've been using my heart far too often,
I guess it is time to use my mind instead...

Well,
Sincere but reserved,
Trusting but not anyone,
Be sensible in speech,
And be patient and subtle enough to listen...

Sharing this is being far too open I guess...
So, that's what I want to see in
Myself In The Future.

Selfless

I've learnt through the conflicts that happened today.

Well, I had a hard time communicating with my mum, friends, and even God.

Just as I lay down in my bed, hugging my pillow, I started pondering.

Why am I so angry and frustrated with the development of these relationships?

That's when it occurs to me that I've been looking at my own interests and thinking that everyone is there to meet my needs.

Well, things just doesn't work that way.

I realized this one truth that its when we start to live for people around us that we will find the joy of giving and blessing others and in turn be able to be grateful for the blessings others shower upon us.

What else is more joy giving than this?

Often I asked that God will look into my heart and see that I need to 'feel' his presence. Well, it is not wrong to think that way. But how many times do we truly consider the desires of God's heart?

Laying down the interests of self so that others may find theirs met, and you may find yours met too.

The blessings of a SELFLESS life is the joy of giving and blessing others.

ALL GLORY AND HONOUR BE TO YOU!!!

10th April 2011, Sunday.

Just felt so unmotivated to wake up this morning because my bro knock the room door and said:"hey Titus, dad said you need to deal with the dog shit in the porch later because we are all going to school already...".

Anyway, I woke up one hour later and did my quiet time and lent meditation.
Remembering that I've gotto deliver a speech, no, its two speeches in the school later, I was very nervous because I haven't really memorized anything for the mandarin speech yet. As for the english speech, I was quite well prepared.
However, I've included God in my speech's script and I am still contemplating on whether or not to said it later.
Anyway, I prayed to Daddie.
I asked Him:"God, use my words and speak through me, even to a multitude of non-believers. I don't care how are they gonna look at me. I pray that your words will be place in my mouth as I deliver the speech later.".
I just quiet my self and continue to pray for it.

I reached school at around 1045.
The ceremony starts at 1110.
So I actually met up with some old friends.
Some were with me since primary school.
We catched up much with each other.
One of my friends, Ivan asked me if he could help me check through my script for grammar mistakes.
I said:"no problem..."

He looked through everything and after he was done he asked me:"Eh Yi Hen, why are you suddenly so God-ish?"

I told him:"Well, I finally wanna be serious about my faith (after nineteen years)..."

He commented:"You sounded extreme. Are all Christians extremists that wouldn't tolerate it if anyone slander their religion?"

I said:"No. We love them."

"Why?" He inquired.

"Because the Bible says love your enemies..." I replied.

Again, he questioned:"What if someone killed you love ones, say... your mum?".

I answered:"Then I gotto chose to forgive and love that person. It will not be easy. But we as Christians must forgive others because God has forgiven us. If we don't, we can't receive forgiveness from God. Christians say a prayer called the Lord's Prayer. There is this sentence that says:"Father, forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespassed against us.". So that's why I have to chose to forgive."

He just shook his head and we switch topic.

Then comes the part where I have to deliver my speeches.
First in mandarin, then in english.
So, I kinda read through the mandarin script.
When I was done, the people started clapping.
I said:"Hey guys don't clap just yet, I've not finished my speech."
And there was a short-lived laughter in the square.

Then, I started my english speech.
I felt different.
Like:"hey, this is my language mann..."
To be truthful, I thought the mandarin speech was ok, but not very convincing because I was just reading the whole script.
Well, the english one was something different.
Although I memorized the whole script on this speech and I am having the script in my hands, I just said the words that came to my mind at that moment.
I only experienced this in Jeremiah School.
I was quite amazed.
I carried on without fear and fright until I came to the part where I suppose to say:
"ABOVE ALL, I SAID YES TO SPIRITUAL DEVOTION. I BELIEVE THAT I CAN PUT IN ALL MY EFFORTS INTO MY STUDIES, BUT THIS I KNOW, GOD HOLDS MY DESTINY, MY FUTURE IN HIS HANDS. WITHOUT HIM, I WOULDN'T HAVE PASSED STPM WITH FLYING COLOURS, I WOULD HAVE MISSED PERFECTION LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN SPM."
You wouldn't believe it, but MY LEGS ARE BOTH SHAKING AS I STARTED SAYING:"ABOVE ALL..."

I KNEW IT IS NOW OR NEVER.
I DON'T CARE WHAT WILL THE RESPONSE BE,
I DON'T CARE IF I'M GONNA PEE OR WEE IN MY TROUSERS,
I AM USING THIS OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME
TO STAND BEFORE THESE PEOPLE AND
GLORIFY GOD!!!

I left them with this,
"Do your best, give your best
And leave the rest to God.
I wish you all the best in all your future undertakings."
"Thank you!!!"
There was a thundering round applause
And I knew then, that all glory is given to God.

As I sat down, my friends was like muted. I think they realized that I am really serious about my Faith in God.

Later in the afternoon, I recalled my prayer when I was still studying in upper six.

"God, help me glorify you with my studies."

He fulfilled His part of the promise and I am glad that I chosed to to glorify Him. It's my first time and it wouldn't be the last.
I might looked like a fool in the eyes of my friends,
but I know, God approves of my act of glory-giving to Him.
That's all I care about.

Fast forward to late evening. (cause I just did some job application and bought fresh milk with my mum in the afternoon and slept 3 hours away.)

I really thank God for the opportunity to be a vessel of encouragement and a listening ear to my brother and dear sister from Jeremiah School.

The other highlight for tonight is that my mum and I went to pizza hut to redeem some vouchers and I asked my mum on the way back home:"Mum, what are the changes you see in me after Jeremiah School?"

She answered:"Well, you are more joyous, talk more, more open, and you are more even-tempered already. I think God broke some bondages and lifted some burdens in your life."

I totally agreed.

I was very happy to hear that from my mum.
We used to argue a lot. But since Jeremiah School, God has been gradually changing me and her and it is good to know that people notice the changes in you.
It's very encouraging.
But trust me, it was not easy for me to change the way I relate to my mum.
I used to strike my points and try very hard to prove myself with words.
But now I realize that
IF WORDS WOULDN'T SPEAK,
LET YOUR ACTIONS SHOW.
WHEN WORDS ARE MANY,
SIN IS NOT ABSENT.

I really want to thank God for today.
For he has open my eyes to see that it doesn't matter how people look at me and how they think of me.
The only thing that truly matters is God's approval and favour.
And when you humble yourselves to be willing to change and give in, God will reward your effort.

So I pray that you will be able to glorify God in everything you do, laying down your crowns at his feet, knowing that He gave you all these and if not for Him, you wouldn't be what you are now.

HALLELUJAH!!! ALL GLORY AND HONOUR BE TO YOU, DADDIE!!!

Turning Point

9th April,
Woke up in the morning, excited about what's gonna happen it the morning. Lol.
Sam and Jay paid me a visit. We had roti canai somewhere in Kulim. Where, according to Beatrice, all the people there, i mean here live on trees. Lol.
And we had a nice ping pong championship. As usual, sam played like a girl, GIRL POWER!!!! And Jay was improving a lot. Tried out my cam continuous shots. Took about 500 pics in one hour time. Lol. But cannot upload now because this is a mobile blog. It will take one year i guess if i were to do it now.

I slept my afternoon off as i was memorising the speech for tomorrow. Well, i have been owl-ing this few nights, blogging.
When I woke up I just feel like something is very wrong with my life. So, i was kinda in a slow-motion mood. I feel like stoning. But then I also start reflecting on my days after js and reunion.

I realize that God has been slowly 'dethroned' from the throne of my heart. I realized that its time to come back to God. So I spent around 30 minutes or more before church service starts to tell God that I am really sorry for not being sensitive to Him, for not living for Him. I also told Him:'' Daddy, save me, take me, all of me, for I am all yours. Save me...'' I remembered that i used to said this in one of my prayers in js.

True enough, he did. We sang the song redeemer, saviour, friend during church service.
And God touched my heart. The chorus was exactly what I prayed in my heart.
" redeemer, redeem my heart AGAIN.
saviour, come and shelter me from sin.
you're familiar with my weaknesses,
devoted to the end.
redeemer saviour friend."

we sang the chorus repeatedly and i literally cried. I was so desperate to seek his presence just to live in his presence again, with him as my reason to live and to die. It just makes me feel "I am home AGAIN..." its a wonderful experience of God's love and saving grace.

My dad preached on John 5:1-15 this evening.
God reminded n
me that now that He has healed my spiritual invalidity, i should live a transformed life and not fall back into sin and shame anymore. It also reminds me that God has shown me a hope to a new life when i was blided by the darkness of the bondage of guilt (This amazing enciunter with God took place when I was attending the altar call on the 29th of December in Youth Quake 2010.)

So today, was actually another turning point, where I was met with God's love and saving grace again which is now my hope. Change, fight, and live for Him alone!!!

May God bless you with a personal encounter with Him.

I Fight Against In Order To Fight For

Life is always a fight.
There are so many things in life that calls for a fight.
Sometimes, you get beaten up,
Sometimes, you bashed that fella up nicely and properly.
There are times when we fight against,
There are times when we fight for.
As for me,

I fight against doubt that shakens
In order to fight for unshakable faith.

I fight against the desires of the flesh which are so real and appealing, yet appaling
In order to fight for my purity.

I fight against ungrace and grudges that embitters
In order to fight for grace and pardon.

I fight against despair of uncertainties and impossibilities
In order to fight for hope of assurance and possibilities.

I fight against the fear of the world
In order to fight for the boldness and courage in Christ.

I fight against suspicion
In order to fight for trust.

I fight against corruption
In order to fight for integrity.

I fight against pretense
In order to fight for sincerity.

I fight against the lies of Satan that bind
In order to fight for the Truth of Christ that frees.

I fight against chaos
In order to fight for peace.

I fight against adultery
In order to fight for faithfulness in marriage.

I fight against impatience,
I fight against cruelty,
I fight against envy,
I fight against boastfulness,
I fight against pride,
I fight against insolance,
I fight against egoism,
I fight against irascibility,
I fight against unforgiveness,
I fight against evil,
I fight against untruthfulness,
I fight against insecurity,
I fight against distrust,
I fight against despondency,
I fight against the urge to give up,
I fight agianst the fear of failure,

In order to fight for this love we share,

In order to fight...
...For your heart.

Although I may lose the the battle,
But with God by my side,
I will win the war.

I fight against in order to fight for.

A Letter to Daddy: Daddy, I miss You.

Daddy,
It's been a long time since the last time we spend quality time together in Jeremiah School, just talking and enjoying one another's company. Life have gotten different now. The things in this life is gradually crowding you out of the picture.

I miss those times where I smiled at the ocean as the sun sinks below the horizon, knowing that you are standing right next to me, putting your arm across my shoulder.

I miss those times where I danced like nobody's business on the shore, knowing that you've have paid the price so that I will be free in your love.

I miss those times where I walk along the beach, letting the waves wash over my feet, knowing that you are thinking of me.

I miss those times where I soaked myself in the sea, knowing that your cleansing blood washes over me.

I miss those times where I stand in the hut when it rains, awe-struck, knowing that you are Yahweh.

I miss those times where I cried, knowing that you've touch the untouchable in me which none can ever reach.

I miss those times where I fall to my knees in tears, in complete gratefulness, knowing that I am the reason your Son hung on that lonely cross.

I miss those times where I find joy in reading your Word, knowing that it tells of your promises and faithfulness.

I miss those times where I sinked into my pillow and smiled, knowing that you are sitting by my bed, whispering into my ears:"...I love you my child... I will be here all night long... I am with you and... I miss you..."

"...Daddy, I miss You..."


Your longing child,
Titus Amadeus