Silent Retreat?

Sigh...
Its been a long time since my last Date-With-God...
Silent Retreat...
Planning to walk around Kulim,
snapping some pics if I can tomorrow...
Hope my legs wouldn't give me a problem^^ haha...
Anyways I think I have to walk around 3 hours...
dunnow where to go YET^^
^^ Just pray for protection anyway...^^
^^Hope that it will be a fruitful time with daddy^^


OFF TO SLEEP NOW^^
^^LIGHTS OUT^^
.......ZZZZ.......

The missing part of my JS Testimony-A Beautiful Exchange

You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned
I was lost and insecure

Still mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door

Then I let you in

Trading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption
You carried all the blame

Breaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our place

My burden erased
My life forgiven
There is nothing
That could take this love away

My only desire
And sole ambition
Is to love you just the same

When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange

Holy are you God
Holy is your name
With everything I’ve got

My heart will sing
How I love you...

The first time I came across this song
was before I came to know Christ's saving grace
through a personal encounter with God.

It was back then in December 2010 that I bought this VCD and CD.
This song was an ordinary nice song to me then.

Well, you guys from JS,
I mean GUYS only...
Maybe some girls larh...
I also forget did I even share to the girls
^^ sorry arh^^
Will know what I've thought of myself in God's eyes
Before I experience on the night of 29th December 2010 in Youth Quake altar call.

I thought I was so wicked and evil
That God actually shut the door in my face already.
But then, that night was a BREAKTHROUGH...

God came into the picture of my sinful past
And I just felt a sense of regret and sorrow
Because I realized how much I've broken His heart and yet
He has made the choice 2 millennium ago
To love me and made His one and only son
The Ultimate Expression of His Love towards me...

I knew that God loves me...
But this is my first time ever "feeling" it in my heart...

Well, its not only about sorrow and pain that night.
I also felt a strong sense of Joy and Peace...
I knew that I am home in the loving arms of Daddy...
Its so warm and I felt like
I am melting in his love and grace...


Well I cried until I can't catch my breath that night...
I just kept crying and crying and crying...
You know me larh...
As in I really can cry a lot...


I can't stop marveling at His boundless love and grace for sinners...

That night, I was set free....
Free from the lies of the Evil one,
saying that God will never accept me into His presence again...
saying that God will punish me out of anger...
saying that everyone is doing it, no harm trying...
saying that I can't be cleansed anymore...

I was once blinded,
But now the truth has set me free.



I was saved and is freed through the Death and Resurrection of Christ...
A Beautiful Exchange...

Morning Steals the Night

Finally, winter has passed...
Spring is at hand...

Well, you might not know what am I talking about...
But some of you might know...

Its a hard and painful time for me...
But its all over now...

I've manage to overcome my own feelings and start using my senses...
I've made a decision and winter seems to pass by so swiftly and now...


Spring is here...
Life is light and colourful again...
With all the pains and hurts revealed and dealt with...
Its a new season of hope and new life again....

So I will walk on with strides of faith and surety that God can be trusted...
It takes pain at first, but it gives peace at last...


Hebrews 12:11

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time,
But painful.
Later on, however,
It produces a harvest
Of righteousness and peace
For those who have
Been trained by it"


Breathe in the air of Freedom... No chains or worry can hold you back now... Light has overcome darkness... Like the morning steals the night... Go... Be Free again in Christ...

A Decision-Move On

Time is not running out...
But I couldn't wait any longer...
I have to make a decision now...

To fight for something I am not even sure of...
Or to get over it and continue my pilgrimage...
It seems that now my mind is clearer...
My heart is a peace...
To make this decision...

It would be a tough one...
I might walk down the road one day and look back...
With regrets that I was wrong to get over it...
Or with gratitude towards God that I made the right decision...
I wouldn't know...
Or might never know...

But as I make this decision...
I am quite sure that letting go is the right thing to do now...
After all holding on and not letting go is not going to get things working...
Well, in all this unknowns of the future I know God has the best of plans planned out for me...

Just as He said in Jeremiah 29:11

"I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the Lord.
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."

So, one question came to my mind...
"Why can't I trust a God that knows the future and also what will be the best for me?"

Philippians 4:6-7

"Do not be anxious about anything,
But in everything,
By prayer and petition,
With thanksgiving,
Present you request to God.
And the peace of God which transcends all understanding
Will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

So, I commit everything in prayer to God yesterday evening when I was jogging...
Knowing that I can only find peace in Him...
Being at peace in Him makes my mind clearer...
And after spending the whole night contemplating
Its time to make a decision...

I wouldn't say I will,
But I HAVE got over it...
Its time to
MOVE ON WITH FAITH THAT YAHWEH JIREH
WILL PROVIDE!!!
AMEN!!!

Unmask the Heart

I feel like I am wearing a mask but am I wearing a mask?

Sometimes I don't really know whether I am wearing one...

Sometimes I just feel like keeping things to myself,
Concealing scars with a mask of an extrovert...
Or maybe that of an introvert...

I am afraid to unmask myself...
I am feel insecure even in my own family...

Well, in I've once unmasked myself to 12 guys when I was in JS...
How about others... can I take off my mask just as I did with these guys?
I really don't know...
I am afraid that I unmask myself just to realize there's another beneath it...

Unmask...
Showing the unhealed scars...
Feeling the pain again...
I kinda like the idea...
Not that I am meso-cheese-stick...
But I really want to be truthful in all relationships...
I wish we can all unmask our hearts...
Even if it means to let our pride and defense down sometimes...

A world without masks...
I like that impossible-to-come-true idea...

But TRUST is the precursor of unmasking the heart...
But can we really find trust in this cruel world where almost everything is driven by 'SELF'?

Can We Love

What is LOVE...

Love is patient,
Love is kind.

It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.

It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.

Love never fails...
Love cannot be earned...
Because its a GIFT...


So can we love?

The Regrets of Time

Sigh...
I believe
you too
have being at a point of your life
where you just wished
that you can undo all the things you've done...

To set things the way you want them to be...

To start all over again...

Its the same decision that you are making...

But when you make that decision,

Will make things completely different...

I will have to live with this regret for

Doing it at the wrong time...

Sometimes you waited too long,
Sometimes, it just too early for it...
Either way you messed up and things are never gonna be the same anymore...

If God were to put a rewrite button before me and say press it...
I will be very tempted to do it...

Will it be even worse of better,
I have no-eye-deer...

I think that's why sometimes chances are there for us to rectify the times we've missed it...
I've missed mine... I think...
But I hope that God will give me another chance to give it a try again...

But you, you mustn't let any of this chances slip past and sometimes,

IT MIGHT BE YOUR LAST ONE...

It was my first time doing it when my parents are not around...

AHA... what are you guys thinking?
I mean WHAT THE CRAP YOU GUYS THINK I AM DOING... terrible people...
All I did was I cooked 3 dishes in 30 minutes and the thing is my parents weren't there beside me this time...
However I think I added too much oil to one of the dishes though... haha...
Anyways, this is my first time my dad says thank you to me and I was happy about it^^
Anyways... yah... just put your hands together for me right where your are now^^

Just Being RANDOM

Why can't you believe that I've change?

To my mum,
I've always tried to tell you this...
But I doubt you will listen and let this sink into your heart...
So that for once, you can trust that I have change...
Stop telling me that I am the same as before I went to JS...
Stop telling me that I will fall for the same person you disapproved of...
Can't she and I start all over again as friends with changed mentality and attitudes?
Can't you trust that God is able to and has changed me,
Even if it is just a little change?

Please, mum, I just hope that one day you will be able to read this...
Though I don't know when will it be,
I just ask that your eyes will be open to see that people can change...
And please, give me a chance to show you
That I've changed and God indeed has started His divine work in your son...

Please Believe that I've...

!!!CHANGE!!!

Your Unfailing Faithfulness

At this juncture of life, my path forked.
I stopped and wonder...
Which path should I take...
I tried to look down every paths,
Trying to fathom the unseen future...
But to no avail...
I am just a man...
Helpless and confused by all the voices that screamed and shouted at me,
Telling me this and that...
Pressurizing me to make a decision
I don't feel like making...

This is a "no-turning-back" decision...
I can't imagine making a hasty decision now...
Only to be haunted by regrets in the future...

In all the midst of all this chaos in my mind,
I looked to God...
This song came to my mind...

" You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love
For Your Faithfulness to me
And I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go through it all"


"Daddy, I know that even at this time,
Your Unfailing Faithfulness
Will Lead Me On
In Your Path..."

Your Seeking Child

The Only Constant-The One Who Loves

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you." Declares the Lord,"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In this struggle through the merciless winter...
I saw a hope and a future. Spring will surely come...
Then, there will be restoration and renewal of the all the things in life...
When will that be, I don't know...
But this I know, that God is sovereign in all these situations hurts and pains.
Like what He says in Deuteronomy 31:6:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage."


It is a struggle, I admit that its killing me...
But I will not go down so easily...
For I have found a greater hope, a brighter future in the Cross...

If I put my sense of security and trust in the ever-changing seasons, I will be upset at the change of season...
But if I put my trust and hope in The Only Constant, I will never be broken and torn apart...

I have found my hope,
I have found my peace,
I have found my rest In the One who loves...
He will guide the way,
He will lead me home,
As I offer all to the One Who Loves...

Dear Daddy,
Shine through the darkness of night and bring hope to your groaning child...

Winter

JS Reunion was like spring and summer...
Too bad it did not lasted for 6 months...
Now that I am faced with the cruelty and reality of life,
The struggle to break free and start anew...
Winter came hastily and my world and heart turn pale as snow...
Making my way through the thick snow,
I feel the chill in my bones,
I feel like giving up and just sink into the snow...
A sense of loneliness came over me...
I look around and saw that all was white...
The flowers of spring are gone...
The lush trees of summer are leafless...
I yearn for spring, where all burst into new life...
Where love and care flow freely...
Where everything is beautiful and wonderful...
Where it is so easy to "feel" God...
The cold winter makes me long for the warmth of spring...
The pale snow makes me think of the colour of the new life...
The loneliness of Winter makes me crave for love and care...

I walk on with strides of hope for Spring...
In the winter so cold and pale...

Moving on with a new season...

Life has never been the same after JS and also the Reunion...
I realized that JS and the Reunion have just been a dream where I was so close to heaven...
There are times that I wished I had never awaken from that dream...
For it was a beautiful one...
Now that I got to move on, things will never be the same anymore...
Sometimes I just have to push aside those longing and love and stab my heart with the thought that its time to move on...
A new season awaits,
a new chapter unfolds,
a new dream with a new spell...
Its time to move on...
Cherishing every single one of you in my heart...

A new Season

JS has just come to an end... So has the wonderful reunion...
Its time to move on, occasionally looking back...
Things that I do everyday seems to bring those memory to surface... Waking up just make me realize that you guys are no longer there...
Walking around alone at home in the morning makes me long for the company for you all...
Looking into the mirror, I see a person drained and weary... Longing for a refreshing reunion again with these wonderful people he met, people that are REAL and REAL FRIENDS...
Some of these people have become very close to my heart... Through the thick and thin we went through in this past 3 months, our friendships lasted and grew stronger...
I truly hold you guys dear to my heart and it will be beyond pain and hurt to lose even one of you guys... You are all special to me in your unique ways... I just don't know when can I meet up with you guys again, the people that made me feel wanted and special...